Shuhua's bday dinner

Last week had dinner with Hua Juanne and Mel for our dearest Hua's birthday dinner. We are twenty one years old already. Can't believe how time flies, it feels like we were in Cchms just yesterday? 

Decided to dine at Todai @ Mbs. There was quite a wide selection of food (International buffet) but being a Sashimi lover, I was quite sian that they did not replenish the Sashimi fast enough. Can only take a few pieces at a time........ 

Meh. 

Do we look old already? 

It was a great and filling dinner with them. Enjoyed it thoroughly! Wished Yt came too, cos now that all of us are busy with our own stuff, we hardly have time to meet up together anymore so simple dinners like that mean quite a lot to me.  Anyhow, buffets are so sinful! I feel terrible eating so much the next day after I had Muay Thai.  2nd lesson tomorrow. I can't wait!!!! 

Off to watch Gossip girl's finale. Will #chuckandblair be back? I love them so much. Xoxo

May 22

I've been going out too much lately and reaching home only at 4am or later. I can't continue this lifestyle, and sleeping my youth away. By 25, I'll probably look like 35 if this goes on. Then there was Mel's birthday, Hua's birthday and I just came back from Bangkok 2 days ago. Not that it's a bad thing to keep myself occupied, so I'll have less time to bother about unnecessary stuff. I'm still talking to Jh, but knowing that it's not the same anymore just kills me a lil' more inside as each day passes. Just keep telling myself that it could be for the best. Gotta get used to it.

Also! I've started Muay Thai classes. Went for my first trial lesson and I loved it! Taking classes with Nel and Charis, it was fun and i feel quite accomplished cos I exercised. I've not been exercising for years, it's scary! Will be blogging real soon. I also wonder if I'll still have time to update this site once i start working.

 Growing up too quickly (sigh)

Bye Singapore

Leaving for bangkok in around 9 hours. I'm so sick of travelling, even if it's only to Bangkok. I hate to unpack, pack,unpack. Oh man. Plus getting data roam. The last time I went to Bangkok, my bill amounted to 400 for that month alone. Damn chor.

Lazy to pack and sleep.

Alone

I've been so tired of life recently. Awhile feeling happy, awhile feeling sad. On somedays, I feel cheery and wanna be sooooo nice to Jh then when I'm alone and I recall unhappy stuff, I get so mad again and I try to pick a fight with him and I pick on every single small detail and words he used. I know he's tired and not obliged to give in to me since we're no longer together but I just don't know what to do. I'm not lost, I'm just frustrated with myself for not being able to control my emotions properly and stop bursting cos it's affecting everyone around me. Somedays, I'll feel like isolating myself from the world so I just lock myself in my room and do nothing. Somedays, I just wanna talk to Jh. Somedays, I wish he was there with me.

Oh damn it.

I'm really frustrated cos I don't know what the fuck I want. And just now, we were supposed to have supper together near my place then I started to flare up for nothing again and then we went our own ways.   When i'm angry, I get really angry I don't even wanna hear the other party talking, I must have my own way and no matter how much I try to change, I don't seem to be able to. Mad pissed.  I think I'm damaged for real. Usually I'll be strong enough to walk away and not turn back but this break up is completely different from the past break ups. I'm really sad but he will never understand.

Time will heal, time will surely heal all wounds. I believe so.

Tough love

I think I'm ready to open my blog and start writing about my life. Alone.

After 3 weeks of being alone, I realized I can actually live alone. Though it gets sad at times. When I'm feeling hungry, I used to drop Jh a text or something and we'll go have supper together, go home together. We see each other every single day without fail, maybe things got a lil' boring for him. Maybe I wasn't good enough, maybe I didn't try hard enough. Maybe I took him for granted. When I'm sad, all I want is to let him know, but he'll probably never know how i really feel and what I really want. 

Even till today, I still miss the things we do together, how I wish we can go back to 2 years ago when everything was so fresh and new. I miss the feeling of having butterflies in my stomach, how happy I would feel whenever I was going to meet him. It seems so far away. To be honest, I'm not ready to let go yet but I believe time will tell. He thinks so too. 

Now, it's simple. All I want is to be happy again. 

Just when I wanted to keep this blog alive, I can't. Every photo, every post reminds me of Jh. And now that we are not together anymore...... He lost me.

I'm trying to put my life back on track. I need the strength and willpower. Gotta keep moving on.

Day one

Bangkok Day 1 - Airport to hotel to MBK. 

I like being overseas but I dislike being on a plane, it's so tiring and boring. But i can't be overseas for too long, I'll get homesick. So weird. Was too tired on the first day but I got to eat my all time favorite burger - Samurai Pork burger. I love it so much and we don't have it here in Singapore, so whenever I'm in Bangkok I must have it. 

 

+++

So today is just another kampong day. Went to Nex for dinner. And now I'm all alone at my balcony, surfing the net, drinking gongcha. Bored to death. 

Gon' try out my new "My beauty diary Apple mask" later on, I read its reviews online and it seems to be good? Currently using Laneige Water Sleeping Pack and it's really good as well. Starting to get worried for my complexion, it's getting oiler at my chin area and T-zone. I hate it!!! I don't know what to do about it, or what products to use. 

Super gian for mahjong right now. 

Brownie

Hello, meet Brownie! She's one active lil' poodle and I was so scared to carry her cos she was so tiny.....and adorable. Wish I was able to keep a pet, preferably a Husky? But i know the commitment needed to keep a pet so I'd rather not till I'm mentally prepared for one. 

Okay. Random but I miss my fav Chihuahua on earth already. 

April

Took a break from this place. There was a couple of times I wanted to pour out my thoughts in words here, but when I started to type the first few sentences, I stopped. I didn't know what were the words I wanted to say, I didn't know exactly how I was feeling. 

It had been a rough March. My uncle passed away, I spent most of my time at home with my Grandma,   then we had to move to a new place. Many things started to change. I lost quite abit of my freedom, had quarrels with Jh, started to have more alone-time, reconsidered our relationship. So much happened in a short period of time. Sadly, our issues has yet to be resolved. I know we're just putting them aside and not providing a permanent solution to it. Sigh, things change. People change, expectations change as well.

Glad that Bkk trip happened. My much-needed getaway from all the crap happening. I didn't shop enough but i'm planning on going back there again with my friends end of this year. Had some quality famz time this trip. 

Anyhow, Im gonna try to be more consistent in updating. I take joy in it, sometimes! Goodnight. 

Goodbyes

Tonight will be my last night here at this house. Moving to a new place tomorrow morning. Gone are the days when I am only a 3-minute walk away from Jh's house..... And perhaps, with this new house, I am finally able to live together with my Dad. However, I may not be with Jh as often as before anymore. He's trying to make me "get used to it". But, fuck this shit cos I don't see what I gotta get used to?

I can't wait for my new bed, new sheets, new mahjong table and chairs. New environment. I don't like the feeling knowing that my uncle passed away in my current place. It just doesn't feel good.

So, last night here and I gotta spend it alone while Jh is out partying with his friends. I am truly miserable. Goodnight, may I have a good rest and allow my mind to rest.